(Yeah, a parody article, I know..slow news day)

Leafs GM Brian Burke has wasted no time upon the return from his fishing trip, making another splash to distract Leafs fans from the fact that Tomas Kaberle hasn’t been traded, with the signing of young defenceman Luke Schenn to a 26 Year, $62.3 million dollar contract.

Many are already jumping on Burke for the signing, saying that no player could be possibly expected to play for such a length of time. His response? He begs to differ, citing that Chris Chelios, currently 48 years old, is still a very much elite AHL defenceman. On top of this, the deal doesn’t necessarily mean that Luke is to play hockey the entire time.

“If Luke doesn’t see himself fit to play at any point, beginning in the 2031-32 season, he will be given the same amount of money to be the manager of our fantastic new store, Real Sports Apparel located in Maple Leafs Square. With this, Luke can continue to be part of the Toronto Maple Leafs game-night experience, selling Reebok Edge jerseys to everyone he possibly can.

Contrary to the Ilya Kovalchuk fiasco that’s currently occuring, the NHL is not expected to rejected the deal on the basis of the last six years. Apparently, Leafs jersey sales bring in millions to the NHL revenue sharing program, so he feels Luke driving sales even higher would be for the greater benefit of the National Hockey League.

Schenn’s cap hit is expected to be just under 2.94 million dollars a year for the duration of the contract, with a no trade clause covering Edmonton, Kansas City, Las Vegas, El Paso, and Winnipeg (just in case on the last four) kicking in on July 1st, 2016.

(Article with substance coming tomorrow…just that there is literally ZERO to talk about right now, yet I wanted to post something)