Its August. We’re still a month and a half away from seeing the Leafs playing hockey again, and even then, its two months and a bit until hockey that actually matters is played. Of course, we open the preseason against the Ottawa Senators, and the regular season against the Montreal Canadiens. These two teams are arguably the biggest rivals of the Leafs at the moment, but there’s a bit of an issue – being a rival of us doesn’t mean much at the moment.

Take the Senators for example – the only reason the rivalry existed was due to frequent matchups in the playoffs, and since the Leafs forgot how to make it into said post-season, it’s slowly fizzed away. Dany Heatley kept it active for a bit by absolutely murdering the Leafs by scoring a bazillion goals every time he faced us, but he’s a Shark now. Today, we have a shell of the rivalry that once existed, with the only real event going on in these games is the regularly scheduled mid-game boxing match between Colton Orr and Matt Carkner, but this could happen with any other team.

Same with the Montreal Canadiens – both teams wiped out their cores at the perfect timing for nobody to care about each other. For the past two years we at least had the Mikhail Grabovski vs. Sergei Kostitsyn stupidity, but even that is now over with due to Sergei’s trade to Nashville. At this point, who’s left to pretend we have a rivalry with? Boston is really just Kessel vs. his brain, Buffalo is a how many saves will Ryan Miller get on us event, the boat has passed with the Flyers and Devils of the pre-lockout 2000′s, nobody in the southeast provides anything close to a rivalry. Calgary could have some potential to brew up, but other than that, there isn’t anything coming out of the West either.

So, it is my proposition that we make up our own rivalry. One with a team in the west that isn’t exactly mentioned in the “You know who I hate…” lists by anyone other than fans of The Love Guru (all 3 of them). Of course, I’m talking of the Los Angeles Kings. And here’s why.

Rarity of Games = Intensity

This isn’t your typical 6 games a year that you get in the Northeast, or even the 3-4 you get in the other Eastern divisions. On a good year (once every three seasons) you get two games played against each other. The other two years, its merely once. This leads to the matchups not becoming stale to the fans, and a lot of time for players to sink in any bad blood, surely leaving a lot to be unleashed during the next matchup.

Ponikarovsky

Sure, the Leafs had traded him to the Pittsburgh Penguins months beforehand, but the point still remains – Ponikarovsky was a Leaf for about a million and one years, compared to the others on the team not named Kaberle. So, with him now being a Los Angeles King, the Leafs can show him what he’s missing. Except he probably won’t be missing much, other than a bit of ice time.

Rivals In Style

As it happens, this rivalry would even be aesthetically pleasing to watch. At the absolute worst case scenario, the Kings wear their away jerseys, and the Leafs their homes, and neither of those jerseys look bad at all. At the best case, both teams wear their alternates, making for one of the best looking matchups in hockey.

Lombardi vs. Burke

There’s a little bit of rivalry still between these two, being two years apart from being on actual rivals as GM’s, being the Kings and Ducks.  And you could tell that they’re still true to their past dislike – a good example of this was the reactions to each other when the Kings made their oh-so-known first pick in the 2009 Entry Draft. Burke also seems to be no fan of LA either – once getting into an argument with a BBC reporter who kept describing Anaheim as a part of Los Angeles.

Billionaire Entertainment Club

Another fun fact about these two teams, is that they may be the two richest teams in their respective conferences. Anschutz Entertainment Group owns the Kings, and is valued at about 10 billion dollars. The Leafs majority owners are the Ontario Teachers Pension Plan, owning 66% of MLSE. The OTPP is thought to be worth as much as $100 billion. This means that while the enforcers are fighting on the ice, the executives on both teams can have money fights.

Aki Berg

The Finnish defender has scarred the minds of many Leafs fans who paid attention to the team from 2001-2006, as one of the most colossal busts in team history. Granted, he was already considered a draft bust when the Leafs brought him in, but he managed to continue his spiral down into infamy. And its not like that 2nd round pick that the Leafs gave up for him developed into anything.

…uhh, never mind. *slams head into desk*

Schenn v Schenn

Possibly the most obvious thing that could come out of this whole ordeal. I mean, I know that the typical fan thinks its better to have them on the same team if anything is going to happen involving them, but can’t we have the more fun alternative of having them be rivals of each other? I mean, as short lived as it was due to little brother being somehow more injury prone than big brother, the Brett/Eric Lindros thing was pretty cool as it existed. Both Luke and Brayden can play with an edge, so you never know what could come out of it.

92/93

This is where we hit the nostalgic Leafs fans, the ones who will go into one of two modes when you mention the Kings won the 92/93 Campbell Conference Finals – “LALALALAICANTHEARYOU” or “ITWASACONSIPIRACYITWASOURYEARETCETC”. Of course, the missed high stick call against Wayne Gretzky in game six remains controversial to many, with plenty of people still having issue getting it out of their minds. While the animosity is mostly towards Kerry Fraser, Wayne Gretzky, and even a bit of Gary Bettman from the conspiracy crew, you gotta imagine that there are many people who still have issue with the Kings as a result.

Youth

Much like the two teams are the richest in their respective conferences, they may both be the youngest as well. Los Angeles has a youth core to die for, especially on defence, loaded with blue chip potential players. The Leafs may not have a roster with as high of a ceiling at the moment, but they are the youngest team in the game. The energy that could come out of the two rosters is endless.

NO MORE PROPOSALS

Of course, you knew I was going to get to this at some point. You see, rival teams don’t trade with each other very often, and when they do, major players aren’t often involved (Grabovski to the Leafs was probably the biggest Habs/Leafs deal in ages, just to show how how insignificant we can get). If the Kings were a rival team, I’d never have to hear the names Dustin Brown, Brayden Schenn, Wayne Simmonds, or about half of the roster brought up in trade propsoals again. Heck, can we just stretch this point and make the entire pacific division a “Rival Belt”? Other than the Coyotes, you consistently hear wacky proposals to this division (and you just know that one of these days some writer will mention Kyle Turris and get that bandwagon started too).

Conclusion

There are a lot of factors that would make this a very interesting matchup if the teams faced each other more often and were closer together. Unfortunately, those last two points prohibit this from having any real chance of this building up as a rivalry of sorts, but it would be nice to see, at least in my opinion. Especially for that last point with the proposals, how much I would give to hear everyone shut up. And yes, this article is extremely odd, I agree. But that’s what you get in August. Can we start this season, already?

UPDATE

I can’t believe I actually have to update this. If anyone thinks I’m actually serious that we need to force a rivalry with the Kings, and that this isn’t just August crazy stupid hypothetical thats partially tongue in cheek, you’re out of your mind. And from what I’ve seen, that’s a lot of people. Also, regarding the Habs and Sens bit, while you may still feel a rivalry, I was getting at the on-ice product fading in its intensity.